so to speak

we're sitting here in an old cafe
chairs upholstered, tables low
holding onto the handles of coffee cups
you're talking about what you did yesterday
but neither of us seems to be listening
my mouth moves and sounds come out
i put coffee in to keep them down

you know it's useless anyhow
you've heard it before
from somebody else
what could i say that you wouldn't know
and i'm all ears but no questions
i want to hear what you think and want
what's going on in the bottom of your heart
but i don't know where to start
and the creeping thought that you might be bored
has frozen up my throat, my lips
i don't know what to say
but my body's already talking, so to speak,
and i don't want to interrupt

see the tension across my shoulders
like a wall at the top of my back
how they creep up towards my ears
and curl in towards each other
as if they're sheltering something dear
i'm not sure what's in there
but i'm sure it must be wrong
it's crouching, it's ready to defend,
it's convinced
that if you see it
you'll be disappointed
and think you knew it all along
it can't bear the idea you wont like it
it's mad at you already in anticipation

and you hear all this, so to speak
and you make a joke
and put your arm around me
hey little fella, lurking in there
knock knock
who's there?
it's okay, i like you.
and the shoulders drip like candle wax
back down towards my bum on the chair
and some part of me knows
you don't care what I say
everything's fine
and candle wax trickles down my spine
and melted muscles tell my ears and my mouth
so to speak
that they don't need to worry what to talk about