candle

my day's been full of random thoughts,
the strangest things come when you pause
long enough
to feel
the cracks in the air that peel
away like bark from an old tree
like the oil of an old painting
as if the air is pale and thin
and when you stop to stare it pulls you in
to a place
where time flows back and forth,
circles you
in swirls of thought

knocks the wind right out your sails
pulling teeth like pulling nails
catches your breath right up in your throat
like a heartbeat choked up by the cold
stings in your eyes like rings of salt
what you talking about?
a place where time flows back and forth?

if you want you can call them memories
when they come, they come silently
creep up on you in a razor breeze
a slice of time that slowly bleeds
into your present
tense
time's in loops
does that make sense?

look, your past is hypothetical
your future is conditional
all those things that happened to you
like water drawn up from a well
that slowly drips down again
and round and round the bucket goes
water pouring from the holes

and you end up saying what you did back then
and you end up doing what you did back then
even though we're in back then's future tense
time goes round in loops
you've thought this before, haven't you?
or did you think that this time it was new?
did you turn a leaf, a page, a few
or are you turning round but standing still?

time goes round in loops

and deep down you know that you expect
the past to happen next

the strangest things come when you
pause
it might seem like random thought
but isn't that just your point of view
point blank
i'll tell you straight
blank face
don't play it down
face up
to the awkward truth
that you don't half of half of you
dear ego
i'm unconscious
thought

if you want you can call them memories
like cracks in the air that thaw and freeze
and buckets falling in the breeze
to dreams of skies in full pale
and candles lit on salt tales

what are you talking about?
time goes round in loops

but the candle's all burnt down to waste
let the land slide in earthquake
it's time to change, time to shake

you're drawing water up from a well
only to let it fall again
and round and round the bucket goes
water pouring from the holes

until one day you just jump in
face it you gotta learn to swim
there's moonlight and it's not so deep
the fear down here is yours to keep
look it straight in the face
your deepest fear
underneath
lurking at the bottom of the well
the thing that tugs on heart strings
keeps you moving half-pinned
that drives your unconscious thought --
your deepest fear
is not
what could happen to you;
it's what's already been

you'll never
get what you missed back then
but you'll never
make time undone
you'll never
make them stay back then
you never
were enough back then
you'll never
get their love back then
but you'll never
make time undone

it hurt
i know it did
it hurt
you know it did

but deep down you know you expect
the past to happen next
time goes round in loops
only if you want it to
the past is gone
it's over now
let it go
somehow
it hurt
i know it did
but how long
do you want it to go on?